O'Hara based Pittsburgh Bereavement Doulas host evening to remember the 'little ones gone too soon'
Laura Chiesa of Oakmont handed her 2½-year-old daughter, Leona, the phone.
They were making a call to heaven.
Leona’s sister, Mary Theresa, was stillborn on Feb. 6, 2024, which was her due date.
“I had an uneventful pregnancy,” said Chiesa on Oct. 15 during the sixth annual Light & Unite event honoring Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day. “I never could have imagined something like this would happen.”
The nuchal cord had wrapped around Mary Theresa’s neck four times. If a baby’s umbilical cord gets wrapped around the baby’s neck one or more times, it is called a nuchal cord.
Mary Theresa was delivered at UPMC Magee Womens Hospital in Oakland.
According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, about one in every 100 pregnancies at 20 weeks and later is affected by stillbirth; each year, about 24,000 babies are stillborn in the United States. A stillbirth is the death of a baby before or during delivery.
The causes of many stillbirths are unknown. Stillbirth occurs in families of all races, ethnicities, income levels and ages.
The loss of a baby is heartbreaking, said Heather Bradley, of O’Hara, founder and executive director of Pittsburgh Bereavement Doulas, which hosted Light & Unite at the Pittsburgh Botanic Garden in North Fayette.
A bereavement doula is a person who has special training in perinatal loss and offers support during the birth of a baby by miscarriage, stillbirth or life-limiting diagnosis. Doulas provide guidance and suggest ways to honor and remember the baby and support parents and families as they grieve.
Chiesa and her husband, Eric, and their families, including Leona, spent time with the baby to say goodbye.
“I made the decision to have family meet Mary Theresa out of love, not fear,” Laura Chiesa said. “How could I not let (Leona) not meet her sister?”
The family honors Mary Theresa’s life every month on the 6th like parents do with a newborn. When they visit the cemetery, there is a playground nearby for Leona.
‘A comfort zone’
The Chiesas were able to connect with a community of bereaved parents at Light & Unite.
“There is just an understanding here,” Laura Chiesa said. “They know without having to say a word. Everyone accepts you. It’s a comfort zone to grieve.”
Pittsburgh Bereavement Doulas, based in O’Hara, strives to create that comfort zone, Bradley said. The mission is to support grieving parents following the loss. Bradley said there needs to be more education for health care providers about perinatal bereavement. She said one in four women will experience loss.
“Together, we will remove the stigma of loss,” said Bradley, who with her team are on call 24/7. “We don’t talk about it enough. These people need extra special care when this happens. It is the worst day of their lives. It can be so isolating, and after they don’t know what to say or how to engage with others because of all the emotions they have from such a heartbreaking loss.”
Bradley’s goal is to open a pregnancy and loss center in the area. She also wants to have a place where families from out of town can stay during such an emotional time.
Group’s services are free
The services provided by Pittsburgh Bereavement Doulas are free.
The organization is funded primarily through donations, fundraising and memorial gifts. The Pittsburgh Bereavement Doulas have been funded by Heinz Endowments, Elsie H. Hillman Foundation, the Pittsburgh Foundation Small and Mighty, the Ladies Hospital Aid Society and WOMEN of Southwestern PA, which they devote to events such as the one held Oct. 15 for 120 attendees.
During the evening, guests had dinner prepared by Hazelnut Catering in Oakdale and desserts, as well as wine and hot cider. A Japanese maple tree planted near Lotus Pond at the Pittsburgh Botanic Garden was unveiled during a dedication to the babies. It is located near a pond and provides a quiet space to sit and reflect.
A plaque below the tree reads: “In memory of the little babies gone too soon. Pittsburgh Bereavement Doulas.”
The names of 70 babies were read. Each name had been made of gold plastic material from a 3D printer created by Gus Bradley, a ninth grader at Fox Chapel Area High School. He said he was honored to do it to help the families. As the name was read, it was removed from the tree and given to a family member to take home.
Every family also received a seedling to plant as a way to remember the growth of love for their baby.
“The love will always be there,” said Holly Wilkerson of Hempfield, holding her baby’s gold plastic 3D name, “Nugget.” She and her husband, Jared, had been calling the baby “Little Nugget” when on Dec. 6, 2018, at an appointment near 22 weeks to find out the gender, they were told, “I’m sorry. There is no heartbeat.”
“Little Nugget” was their second child.
They are parents to Logan, who is older, and Marlena, who is younger.
“Nugget would have turned 6 this year,” Holly Wilkerson said.
It is OK to talk about your baby, Jared Wilkerson said as the Elton John song “Can You Feel the Love Tonight” played in the background by the live string duet Radiant Strings. All in attendance lit candles at 7 p.m. for the International Wave of Light, a worldwide candle-lighting and remembrance ceremony held at the same time Oct. 15.
Support in ‘darkest days’
The date is always emotional for Leanne Jacobs-Rohan of Oakmont, who has attended all six Light & Unite events to memorialize her son, Hazen, who died at 22 weeks 10 years ago on April 24, 2014, from complications after she was in a car accident. This was the first time she brought her children, Holling, 9, and Henson, 7.
“I tell the people I meet here, ‘I am sorry you are here,’ ” Jacobs-Rohan said. “I came here to cry and to support.”
Jacobs-Rohan said she uses the movie “Inside Out” to talk to her children, where the theme is that sadness and crying are OK.
The tears will continue forever, said Pittsburgh Bereavement Doula Gab Hershman of Oakmont, who was wearing a “Be the light” shirt, a verse from the Bible. She received a call to help Laura Chiesa and immediately went to the hospital.
Hershman met Eric Chiesa’s parents on the elevator and stayed with them in the waiting room before she went into the delivery room with Eric. Laura Chiesa and her parents were there.
“I still cry,” said Hershman, a mother of five, including daughter Katalina, who was stillborn five years ago. It was a medically complicated pregnancy.
“I will always cry over the loss of Katalina. I encourage families to make as many memories as possible. It is therapeutic for me to be able to give purpose to Katalina’s life and help people feel like they are not alone on their darkest days.”
Cherishing memories
Laura Chiesa said there are no words for how much Hershman helped that day and in the following days.
The two have become friends, Laura Chiesa said as she handed Leona the phone.
The vintage phone is called Phone of the Wind. It originated in Japan and is described as an outlet to share a message to a baby who has passed on, a quiet space to cherish memories or say the goodbye you never got to say.
Leona called her sister twice.
The first time she just said one word: “pizza.”
The second time she said, “We are at a party, bye.”
Laura Chiesa said Leona talking to her sister on the phone was making a memory with her sister.
JoAnne Klimovich Harrop is a TribLive reporter covering the region's diverse culinary scene and unique homes. She writes features about interesting people. The Edward R. Murrow award-winning journalist began her career as a sports reporter. She has been with the Trib for 26 years and is the author of "A Daughter's Promise." She can be reached at jharrop@triblive.com.
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