Mark Madden: Brad Marchand's antics are criminal, but the NHL doesn't want that to vanish

Boston’s Brad Marchand got a six-game suspension from the NHL’s Department of Player Safety for sucker-punching Penguins goalie Tristan Jarry, then sticking him in the face.

ESPN’s uber-intelligent hockey guy John Buccigross committed a rare betrayal of his sense for the game when he wondered what Jarry might have said to provoke.

“Hey, Hanrahan! Hanrahan!”

Nothing said by Jarry could possibly justify.

Marchand’s likeliest motivation is Jarry kept robbing him. The ill will started earlier when Marchand oddly stopped Jarry from flipping a puck over the glass to a fan.

Marchand should have been banned longer, but I’m surprised he got six games. The Department of Player Safety never disappoints because it always disappoints.

It’s run by former goon George Parros. That’s akin to giving dynamite to a chimpanzee.

Its rulings have long been arbitrary and haphazard.

Ex-Penguins miscreant Matt Cooke effectively ended the career of Boston’s Marc Savard with a blindside elbow to the head in 2010. Cooke got zero games. He didn’t even get a penalty.

The next season, Cooke delivered approximately the same blow to the New York Rangers’ Ryan McDonagh. (Cooke led with his elbow a bit more obviously.) Cooke got ejected and was suspended 17 games, including a playoff series.

The Department of Player Safety’s decision-making process has always been an absolute mystery, no less so when it comes to what Marchand did.

If Marchand is a bottom-six forward, he misses more games. If he’s not a repeat offender, he gets less. (This is Marchand’s eighth suspension.)

At the root of all the inconsistency and insanity is the NHL doesn’t want such sociopathy to vanish. That unfortunate fact is as old as romanticizing Gordie Howe’s elbows.

Marchand’s antics aren’t a reflection of intensity. They’re criminality posing as passion.

Marchand didn’t get suspended sufficiently. He’ll never get his backside kicked in, because that never seems to happen to back-stabbing little rats.

Marchand’s malfeasance can’t be deterred.

Marchand is a great player. He’s making $6.125 million this season. He has got it good.

His comeuppance will occur after his career when he is more remembered for his shenanigans than his stats.

But Marchand doesn’t care. You couldn’t play like that and care what anybody thinks.

I have zero problem with the Penguins not escalating the situation on the ice by way of seeking revenge, or with the Penguins not whining about it after. What’s gained?

The Penguins aren’t tough. That doesn’t make them weak or cowardly. But repaying like with like in that situation isn’t their philosophy. It isn’t what coach Mike Sullivan wants.

Except for Kris Letang, who got immediately cut off by two Bruins when he went after Marchand, the Penguins had all the wrong players on the ice to handle the aftermath. (Marchand knew that.) You don’t ever want Sidney Crosby to fight.

The Penguins aren’t equipped to wage war. The NHL isn’t that kind of league anymore, not beyond isolated incidents. How many true fighters dot rosters?

There’s no way to deter lunatics like Marchand and no way to properly clean up after.

If the Penguins would have lost, what happened would feel different and worse. But Jarry isn’t hurt, and the Penguins won.

Winning cures a lot.

The Penguins can’t stop Marchand from becoming unhinged. The NHL doesn’t want to.

So you live with it.

If the Penguins take away one true negative from Tuesday, it’s that their defensive corps got pummeled by Boston’s relentless, physical forecheck. That was a big part of the New York Islanders’ strategy in their playoff win over the Penguins last spring. It’s not foolproof or easy to do, but it’s a blueprint.