Mark Madden: PiratesFest drives home notion the team has no ambition beyond profit

The annual PiratesFest propaganda rally lived up to the spirit of the franchise this past weekend at the David L. Lawrence Convention Center.

It was wall-to-wall horse manure.

That’s what I’m told, anyway. I didn’t attend. I refuse to be an enabler.

Some highlights:

• A Q&A with CEO Travis Williams was marked by a half-hearted chant of “sell the team.” Announcer Greg Brown called for “respect,” asking that attendees not be “silly and immature.” But the Pirates deserve no respect. They’re thieves.

• Owner Bob Nutting no-showed the Q&A like the hillbilly grifter he is.

• A placard identifying Andrew McCutchen misspelled his last name: “McCutcen.” That never happened to Roberto Clemete.

• The Pirates sold bottles of soda that were past their expiration date. Like McCutcen .

• A fan asked GM Ben Cherington about extending the contracts of Paul Skenes and Oneil Cruz now instead of later “trading them for hot garbage like we always do.” Cherington responded with hot garbage, promulgating the lie that the Pirates care about winning.

• McCutcen and Skenes did the required yada, yada. McCutcen promised to take over the clubhouse and be more vocal. (What that clubhouse really needs is more good players in it.) Skenes said the players “buy in.” Skenes does a decent job of concealing that he’s counting the days till he can exit.

McCutcen said, “David can beat Goliath.” If Goliath was a free agent, the Los Angeles Dodgers would sign him.

When Skenes was asked what it would take for him to sign long-term, he replied, “I haven’t given it too much thought.” To be precise, he’s given it zero thought and will continue to do so.

The Pirates have no ambition beyond profit.

This is their window. They have Skenes. They have legit starting pitching.

But they’re going to waste it. They’re likely to have MLB’s lowest payroll. This offseason has seen them add no player of significance.

Brown’s plea aside, the Pirates deserve zero respect.

Nutting deserves zero respect.

Williams and Cherington deserve zero respect. They’re part of the con.

The person who tried to get the “sell the team” chant going was the self-aggrandizing dipstick who purchased billboards espousing that same idea. He also handed out 200 free T-shirts to that effect.

His plan doesn’t seem to be working. If a handful of billboards and 200 free T-shirts won’t bully a billionaire, what will?

Somebody asked if the Pirates were planning to put a pirate ship in the outfield. How about better outfielders in the outfield?

There’s a report that the Pirate Parrot fell on a toddler. Or maybe on Calvin Austin III.

The Pirates used to be a Pittsburgh institution. Now they’re a Dollar General that charges too much.

The Pirates are not serious people.

But nothing will change.

Nutting won’t sell. He makes crazy profit before a ticket gets sold.

The stooge local media will treat the Pirates as far too important, writing positive puff pieces about the little engine that could. Except it can’t.

The marks might be mad, but will still go to games. Attendance at PNC Park has risen each of the last three years and figures to do so again in 2025 because of the Skenes phenomenon. It might go over two million.

The Pirates aren’t poorly run.

They execute their business model perfectly.

A toast to Nutting. With a Mountain Dew that shouldn’t have been sold after Dec. 30.