Mark Madden: The NHL is broken. Here's how to fix it

UFC impresario Dana White offered a candid assessment of the NHL:

“They are all old, dumb (expletive) people that have no idea what’s going on. They have no idea where this younger generation is, how you reach them.” (There’s a Van Halen lyric in there somewhere.)

White pointed out that his Power Slap slap-fighting promotion got 90 million YouTube hits the week of the NHL’s conference finals. The NHL got 25 million.

The answer seems obvious: Connor McDavid should compete in Power Slap.

White is 100% right about the NHL.

By “old, dumb (expletive) people that have no idea what’s going on,” I’m assuming White means Colin Campbell, the league’s director of hockey operations. Campbell tops a lengthy list of those who think they’re preserving and saving hockey even as they damage and hinder.

That’s the biggest problem: The NHL doesn’t understand there’s a problem.

The NHL should.

This season was one of the most nondescript in league history, slow and sludgy. It finished with a bad Stanley Cup Final that had horrifically low TV ratings, down 43% from last year. No brand names, very little star power.

That last part goes beyond the final. The NHL doesn’t know how to market stars and has precious few in the first place.

As good as McDavid is, he’s not a household name. He’s stuck playing in Edmonton. He had charisma bypass surgery. He’s never the lead on “SportsCenter,” and ESPN is one of the NHL’s broadcast partners. McDavid can’t lift the NHL out of sports’ second tier. Nobody can.

The NHL should have fixed the 2015 draft lottery Patrick Ewing-style and got McDavid to New York. Problem was, the Rangers and Islanders weren’t in that year’s lottery. New Jersey might be close to New York but doesn’t count. Anyway, how much good did Wayne Gretzky do the NHL in Los Angeles? (Phenom Connor Bedard winding up in Chicago was this past draft’s best option.)

Some said the 2005 draft lottery was fixed so the Pittsburgh Penguins could get Sidney Crosby. Why the heck would the NHL want Crosby in Pittsburgh, currently America’s No. 26 media market?

Hockey being mostly ignored on “SportsCenter” used to bother me, but no more. Hockey doesn’t serve ESPN’s woke agenda. Yay, WNBA! Maybe if the NHL went co-ed…

I’m a hockey lifer. I see so much more potential. The NHL thinks hockey is just fine, but I’d make changes:

• Make the scoring system three points for a regulation win, two points for an overtime win and one point for an overtime loss or tie. That would make the last 10 minutes in the third period of tied games more frenetic as teams sought maximum points.

• Eliminate three-on-three OT and the shootout. Both have run their course. The former has been strategized to a standstill. The shootout is (and always was) too carny.

• Play 10 minutes of four-on-four overtime to break ties. Four-on-four is a lot more like real hockey than three-on-three. If the game is still tied, then it’s a tie. If the score is even after 70 minutes, a tie is a fair result.

• Make the nets one inch wider and one inch taller.

• Make the goalie equipment smaller. Shooters can’t even see the net now.

• Have power plays go the entire two minutes. The team with the man advantage can score as many times as it manufactures.

• If a short-handed team scores, its penalty is wiped out.

• Make fighting an automatic ejection and one-game suspension.

• Make any hit to the head an automatic ejection and subject to further discipline.

• Demand referees call the rulebook properly and consistently. Weed out those who don’t.

• Use the covid-style schedule and have teams play two-game series in the same city. That cuts down travel and saves wear and tear on players.

• Ten teams in each conference make the playoffs. Use the NBA’s play-in format with seeds 7 through 10 in each conference. No best-of for the play-in; everything is single-game. It’s an exciting opening to the postseason.

Some of these changes are designed to produce more goals and promote attacking. Goals are fun. Difficult saves are fun.

Some are designed to eliminate hockey’s barbaric element. That adds new fans without chasing many away. It protects stars, too. It prioritizes skill over thuggery.

Don’t worry about effect on the record book. Don’t worry about what the players think. Worry only about entertaining your fan base. That’s the NFL’s way, and it works.

Absolutely none of these changes will be considered, ever, let alone made.

The NHL thinks it had a great season and a great playoff.

The NHL generates zero in-house criticism. Don’t do your job. Keep your job.

The attendant media is 90% “yay, hockey!”

Is the goal to keep hockey as old-school fools like it or to grow?

The answer is the former and has been for a long time.