Hockey is my favorite sport. Because that’s true, I feel qualified to analyze why the NHL’s national TV ratings are down 22% from last year.

There are regional blackouts. Start times aren’t staggered; games hit intermission at the same time. Cord-cutting takes ESPN and TNT off the radar of too many. To older viewers, subscribing to ESPN+ to watch games on streaming is as foreign as walking on the moon.

ESPN is the NHL’s broadcast partner, but coverage on “SportsCenter” is minimal. It’s nonexistent on morning debate shows like “Get Up” and “First Take.” ESPN’s pre-game and between-periods coverage is vanilla and predictable. It needs more John Buccigross, Linda Cohn and Steve Levy, less cliche-spewing ex-players.

TNT’s ancillary programming started out promising, incorporating both the name and lame of Wayne Gretzky. But it’s morphed into an avalanche of unfunny humor and nonstop slang. It’s one long inside joke.

But the biggest problem might be that hockey just doesn’t know how to be cool.

Witness the NHL All-Star thingy’s accessory events. (If you were lucky, you didn’t.) It was one interminable nonstop dork-off.

The NHL put Sidney Crosby in a dunk tank. (Crosby should have said no, but that’s not his style.) Would the NBA put Michael Jordan in a dunk tank? (Jordan would say no, and his refusal would be accompanied by a barrage of expletives.)

AP Pittsburgh Penguins’ Sidney Crosby is dunked during an All-Star Skills Showcase, Thursday, Feb. 2, 2023, in Fort Lauderdale, Fla. The event is part of the NHL’s All Star game events.  

Montreal’s Nick Suzuki won the “Pitch ‘n’ Puck” competition, thus earning free Chipotle for a year. “Up next on this station, Bowling for Dollars!”

The stars of the skills competition were Alexander Ovechkin’s son and women’s player Sarah Nurse. Neither plays in the NHL or will sell tickets after the fact. (Ovechkin’s kid might someday. Women’s pro hockey, not so much.)

Mitch Marner wore a Miami Vice outfit. David Pastrnak dressed as Happy Gilmore. “Ten bucks he says all the guys at work!” “Ten bucks he says wife and kids!”

I’m writing this before the All-Star three-on-three tournament. I won’t watch. I already know three-on-three hockey stinks. (The Penguins are especially bad at it.)

Hockey is in a rough patch in terms of charisma. Ovechkin supports Putin, Crosby is studiously beige and Connor McDavid is a sourpuss. The NHL has lots of great players, sure. But the average “SportsCenter” viewer has no idea who, say, Cale Makar is.

The NHL has never known how to market stars, anyway. As evidenced by Crosby in a dunk tank.

Hockey is what is it. It’s a niche sport that will never grow much and, in fact, faces a bigger likelihood of decline as entertainment options grow still more.

I love hockey. I also understand it.

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